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| Jeff Leedy's "I Go Where Others Fear to Tread," 1999 |
So...50. Half-Centenarian. I'll start with this: I have a lot of flaws. More than 50 for sure, but for my birthday, I'm trying to fix one.
Just the one flaw for now.
I am working to fix how much I actively care about others who do not reciprocate.
I think we all know the dynamic to which I'm referring, and I suspect most would agree that extending care and concern to people who don't care back equally wears on the soul.
So I'm done. I have a couple of things left to clean up in this area, but I'm otherwise just done with lack of reciprocity from others.
I'm too tired to nourish others at the expense of my own heart.
Speaking of things I can't get around: I'm officially toothless.
Not in the sense of ineffectual (though perhaps that, too); rather, I have no teeth in my face. I have no "luxury bones" between my lips and throat. What occurred right after my 50th birthday was inevitable. We knew it was coming, and I was living in daily pain in an effort to avoid this current situation that was ultimately just...inevitable.
I think my grandmother made it to her 70s or so. I think Mom was in her mid-60s when she lost her last tooth (and finally got her dentures).
I'm just over 50 years old and am toothless. More or less, I guess. I'm grateful for the paltry coverage I have, because dental insurance sucks bad generally, any little bit is worth having. I know people with far worse coverage than I have. I also know better, so...fair to middlin'.
In this space between fair and middlin', I haven't had too many complaints. So long as it's been fair and middlin'. I've dealt with a full upper plate and a partial lower for a few years. This is not new territory we're sitting in...just which yard, I suppose.
I guess the part where I've been dealt other than fair or middlin' is where I have taken issue. Like when pricing is unscrupulous and beyond unreasonable. As happened with my dentist. Well, now former dentist would be applicable, since I no longer have teeth requiring dental oversight, care, cleaning, management, but not adequate insurance coverage for anything remotely reasonable.
A few months ago, knowing that my last remaining lower teeth were going to need to be extracted, and since things had gone well with my bone density study, I was ready to start pursing information-seeking about the lower half of my mouth. Especially since pain was increasing with the partial (because the teeth were "floating"). I got the x-ray, and an appointment for a consultation with the traveling specialist to my dentist's office.
My dentist office has a traveling specialist who comes through every few weeks for things like extractions and implants and such. I won't say how many times I heard the phrase "we don't nickel and dime" with relation to the shiny new x-ray machine...and it was no wonder. Their refusal to nickel and dime wasn't going to reduce an (incomplete and incorrect) estimate that low-balled estimated charges at roughly $31,000.00 for the services I needed. I found that rate unconscionable, but didn't say as much given I noticed the estimate was incomplete, and was missing obvious services, so the estimate would very likely breach $35,000 most likely.
These are services I would need regardless where I got them, or how much they ultimately cost. The question we were working with was how were we going to pay for them, since they were inevitable, regardless.
So I connected with Affordable Dentures and their estimate was less than half of what my dentist provided. In the end, it was less than half, but still less, and care will be ongoing with their clinic into the future. Which makes sense. I no longer need a dentist, but require care for my appliances. I still have a lot of questions, but next week when I cancel my cleaning, that conversation should be interesting.
So I'm toothless and I'm expecting a call this week from my (now former) dentist to confirm an appointment that I will need to cancel and explain why. Mainly, I see no need to explain anything other than I'm toothless and that should be that. We shall see.
My therapist is firm that my current focus needs to self-care. Period. Not if I feel like it, not if it happens to be convenient. Now AND later, so long as I am living with this unimaginable pain. I will say that the pain has certainly improved, but it doesn't surprise me that no questions were asked when I requested a refill on the Norco. And I hate pain meds...truly.
Meanwhile, here was my attempt at Leedy's artwork. Later I'll try with color. After the pain is completely gone, though. That may be a few months.
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| My Artempt at the Leedy |
p/l/s
~dw
